A Dog’s-Eye View of Christmas
A tree has appeared. It is inside the house. It is an inside tree. What. On. Earth. I mean, I’m familiar with inside plants. We have several of those although they don’t appear to survive for very long. There is one on the dining room windowsill whose main purpose seems to be gathering dust. Yes, I know all about inside plants but the tree thing is new.
The tree is adorned with many items I am neither allowed to play with nor to eat. I do not understand their purpose. They are shiny and attractive and yet my going anywhere near them results in shooing and chiding on an unprecedented scale. WHY DO THEY CARE SO MUCH?
I am beginning to think the round shiny tree-things are probably eggs. What they will become once they hatch, I do not know. Am I to be usurped by a new family pet? Surely not. I will watch the humans closely to see how this situation develops. Perhaps I will need to show them my doe-eyes to remind them how adorable I can be.
Something else has arrived. A woman known as "Grandma". I am avoiding her until I get to know her better. She smells of something sweet which is most disconcerting. I favour a more musky, earthy odour. I like the smell of shoes, for example. Grandma does not smell of shoes.
Having said that, she has at least produced some doggie treats. I graciously accepted her offering, though cautiously; I don’t want her thinking I can be bought with mere biscuits. (If she offers me cheese next time, I will reconsider my position.) For now, I eye her from my bed in the kitchen while she sits on the sofa watching TV. (TV is silly.)
Occasionally, the humans create a loud bang with their "crackers". They get little presents for making a god-awful noise. It is most intrusive to me but it makes them deliriously happy, especially if they get something useful like a shoe-horn. I have never seen anyone in the family use a shoe-horn before. They’re not even using it now. But it makes them happy and there is much discussion on the usefulness of shoe-horns. There is miming of the shoe-horning action so I am now apprised of exactly how this device operates. Me knowing this is pointless. I do not wear shoes.
There is much jollity in the household although, behind closed doors, usually in the sanctity of the front bedroom upstairs, Daddy human has said very unkind things about the woman known as "Grandma". Daddy human does not use bad words very often but I can tell when he is swearing because his lip curls. He doesn’t swear at me. I am his favourite. He says I am the only thing around here he can rely on. He is quite right because I am very dependable.
Apparently yet another guest is arriving soon and he is expected to turn up in the middle of the night! He’s bringing reindeer and will enter our home via the chimney! I hope the reindeer will let me chase them. I would like to chase them and pretend to nip their ankles. I hope it doesn’t get me into trouble. Perhaps they will know what the shiny-tree eggs are all about.
Love from Floyd the Retriever.